Sometimes do you ever wonder why a lot of relationships start out so exciting for both partners and then slowly fizzle out?
It seems relationships nowadays are in a continuous loop of:
1. Meet someone new and start talking
2. Get excited and hangout
3. Have sex or share intimacy
4. Start to disagree or notice red flags
5. Slowly detach one’s self and move on to the next one
6. Repeat the whole process again when you find someone new
Most times you can swear or promise yourself that the next one will be your final bus stop. And along the way when things begin to go wrong, you have no choice but to look in the mirror and wonder what you could have done differently. Sometimes you even doubt your feelings were genuine in the first place.
A lot of time, we believe love is just about taking a leap of faith. After all, they say ‘love is blind’. But I refuse to believe that my eyes and senses are not useful once I am in love.
To me, the biggest scam of all has to be blind trust. I once had someone tell me that I should learn to trust her to the point that even if I walk in on her with another man in bed having sex, I will tell myself that there must be a logical explanation. Maybe she just fell on the guy or she had to do it to save me. Hilarious right? Well, this is the world we find ourselves in.
We find ourselves in a world in which when it comes to relationships, people rather neglect the sense of reasoning and rely solely on feelings and blind trust. It can almost be likened to religion and faith. In fact, in most parts of the world, love can be likened to the universal religion in which blind trust is its sign of faith in one another.
The question is: do you fall into this category of love as blind or do you see love as a calculated risk?
If to you love is a risk then deep down you should know that before you decide to fall in love or get into a relationship with someone else, you should have done your assignment.
First and foremost, ask yourself what went wrong in your last relationship? Was it you (most times we shy away from telling ourselves the truth but if we are being honest with ourselves, we will realize we have a lot of roles to play also in “things fall apart”)?
Over the years, love has turned out to be just a selfish game of interest for most people. Most men just want the beautiful, ride-or-die girl they can control while most women want the influential, rich guy that is willing to spend. And just like any proper game, there are bound to be losers; hence the heartbreaks and loss of self-worth along the way.
But what if all these can be avoided? What if before you take that blind leap of faith out of one’s arms to another, have you actually consider doing things differently? Who knows, you might actually get a different result? If not for anything, don’t you think it is time to give your heart a break?
One of the things to consider before getting into a relationship is what experts refer to as Love Languages.
You may want to ask, what is a love language? Love language describes how people receive love from others. It is important to know that most people receive love differently. This is why a grand gesture of love for you might just be a turn-off for your partner. Most times we do not actually realize that our love language is different from our partner’s or that we cannot speak the love language of our partner until the initial infatuation wears off. Then we begin to manage the other person, sit through constant nagging and then gradually begin to lose interest and drift. The End!
According to experts, there are 5 Love Languages. They are:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
This refers to spoken or written words that confirm, support, and assure our partners. Some need people just want people that show empathy and appreciation whenever something happens. They always want you in their corner to point and help them focus on their strengths and not speak negatively. Basically, they want a cheerleader that is constantly professing love to them and giving verbal support or assurance
ACTS OF SERVICE
Acts of service is a language that describes doing something for your partner. For some people, love is easier said than done so you need to actually do it to be able to communicate in their Love Language. Sometimes, all she needs from you is for you to help out around the house. Help clear the table and wash the dish, fuel the car, and basically be handy. It is important to understand this type of love language in order to avoid comments like “you cannot just buy me because you feel you have the money” whenever you buy her expensive gifts as apology or appreciation gifts. Or insult your man with gifts when really you should be doing laundry for him and folding his clothes.
This is probably what most consider ‘every girl’s love language’. It is true, most people cherish thoughtful gifts. I mean, who doesn’t like a gift every now and then? Well, some people fall in love with the tiniest of gifts. It could be just a basic gift of fruits to cheap earrings and more expensive things or even food, it would turn them on the same way. You do not have to wait until you can afford a car before they appreciate the gift. You can start with buying favorite flowers (which is quite rampant in the western world), randomly paying for things for them (including gym time or lunches). A lot of girls will probably think this is their love language but it would be fair to point out that if you cannot appreciate even the tiniest of tangible gifts from your partner, then it is not.
This love language requires you to make out time (no matter how busy your schedule is) just to spend it with your partner. Some people just want you to be there. Be there at anniversaries, be there on birthdays, and most importantly, never miss your child’s birth. This love language includes going out together even if it is just a stroll or a jog you might consider insignificant. Quality time love language can be just knowing that your partner is always accessible to you even through communication lines.
If you are the type that cannot make out enough time to be there when you are in a relationship may be due to a hectic workload or constant meetings, I cannot judge you and tell you it is bad but you need to be careful with the type of partner you fall in love with so that you won’t view the person as clingy in the long run.
In this love language, your partner would most likely prefer the physical expression of love over gifts or other expressions of love. Physical touch includes sex but it doesn’t end with it. It also includes often kisses, good morning, welcome, goodnight, hello, and goodbye kisses. Intimate hugs, spontaneous back rubs, scratches or massages, holding hands in public, and a little P.D.A (Public Display of Affection).
It is a general notion that most girls do not just go around sleeping with the first guy they see unless they have some kind of feeling for you. Or feel a connection with you. If you have ever heard a phrase such as ‘what are we now’ after sex, then you must be aware of the possibility of your partner having physical touch as his or her love language. Well is that a bad thing? All I can say is that it depends on you and if you will be able to communicate long term using the same love language as your partner
It is of a general belief that love languages tend more towards ladies. That is to say, most ladies exhibit different love languages as their primary language. Although it is necessary to note that everybody (lady) has traces of all five languages, but there will always be a dominant language every lady possesses. Know it and know peace in your relationship.
For guys, it is believed that most guys tend towards Words of Affirmation as their love language. That is why most guys are particular about respect, encouragement, and support when needed.
Therefore before you kick start a new relationship by applying the theory: “in order to get over someone, you need to get under another”, stop to think, study your (to be) partner, and determine if the partner speaks the love language you can speak very fluently before you commit and take that leap of faith.
As for me, considering my condition and present circumstances, receiving gifts is one love language I cannot afford to speak too fluently.